Hikari and Ayumu Kasuga
by Fade to Osaka
Summary: A series of drabbles where Hikari Kasuga asks her sister for advice to broaden her knowledge.
1. Chapter 1

Hikari Kasuga's Questions

A/N: This won't get in the way of any projects I'm currently doing. These will probably be a set of humorous drabbles. Osaka will be referred to as Ayumu, because I don't think her family calls her Osaka. R&R

THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER HAS CENSORS, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN.

13 year old Hikari Kasuga had a bad day.

Today in health class, they were learning about human reproduction. The teacher asked if there was anyone who didn't know how babies were born. Hikari raised her hand, and everyone laughed at her.

She needed to find out or else everyone would look down on her. _Maybe I can ask Mom and Dad. No, that would be awkward… Hmm, I wonder if Ayumu knows…_

Hikari walked through the front door of her home. She walked upstairs to her sister's room. She knocked on the door. "Come in!" Ayumu called.

Hikari opened her Ayumu's door and walked through the door, shaking a bit. "What's wrong, Hikari?"

"Well, I had a bad day. And I have a question to ask you. Umm, this may seem odd, but where do babies come from?"

Ayumu thought for a moment. She remembered Kurosawa-Sensei's talk. "Oh! I know! This is supposedly the most common method, or so says my gym teacher. First they out in a tape. This isn't just any tape; it's what people in the adult world call a 'pornographic tape.'

Hikari listened in awe. Where did her sister learn these facts? After listening for about ten minutes, Ayumu's speech started to come to an end. "Then the man takes the turkey baster and injects the [THE REST OF THIS SENTENCE IS CENSORED FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE.

Hikari blushed a little bit. "Th-Thank you, Ayumu." "No problem."

The next day, the teacher asked Hikari if one of her parents told her. Some of the kids were stifling back laughter. Hikari said yes and the teacher asked how, just to make sure the speech she got wasn't a bad one.

Hikari began the explanation Ayumu told her.

A few moments later, Hikari was in the Principals office. "What did I do?"

There you have it, the first chapter to my series of drabbles "Hikari Kasuga's Questions." The next chapters will be more family friendly, and will have some classic Osaka theories.


	2. Aliens

Chapter 2, Aliens

A/N: HAI

Hikari was walking home from school with a large poster board in her arm. She had been assigned a project earlier.

The class was having a large debate over aliens and whether or not they existed. So they had to make a poster of their theories and explanations for said ideas. Hikari was a huge alien enthusiast, most likely because of always listening to Ayumu's theories.

_Well, Ayumu does know a lot about the subject… Maybe she can help me a bit._

Hikari unlocked her house door and put her bag on the table nearby. She walked upstairs and knocked on Ayumu's door. "Proceed."

Hikari opened her sister's door. Ayumu was dressed in a wizard's robe and wearing tiny glasses on the bridge of her nose. She was waving a stick at a pot of dirt, apparently trying to make a Sata Andagi tree. Usually a sibling would feel a little weird if they walked in on their sister's doing this, but then again, this IS Ayumu after all.

"Ayumu, can you help me with a project I need to make about aliens?" Hikari asked, which made Ayumu smile from ear-to-ear. "Happy day! Someone wants to listen to my theories! Take a seat, Hikari."

Hikari pulled out a pen and began taking notes. The main points she wrote down were:

"Chiyo-Chan's pigtails are alien lords. On December 21st, 2012, they will bring down hellish beams of death onto Earth."

"Sata Andagi is an effective and delicious repellent for aliens."

"Yukari's car comes from the aliens."

"Aliens will take the shape of The Prince from Katamari Damacy."

And so on.

Hikari used Ayumu's theories to begin work on her poster board. The poster practically made itself.

The next day, Hikari was up first for presentations. She presented her poster. She opened with a lecture about Chiyo's pigtails. Two of Chiyo's old friends, Yuka and Michiru, looked at each other, and then to Hikari.

"Umm… Chiyo's pigtails are lifeless; I have seen Chiyo take them out before." Yuka said to Hikari. Michiru nodded in agreement.

"Well… I was talking to my sister, and this is what she told me." Hikari said. She finished her speech. The class burst out in laughter at the end.

An hour later, Hikari was sitting in a chair in a Mental Institution, waiting for her parents to pick her up.

"How did this happen?"

A/N: Woot. That was really easy. Umm... Yeah. Here's some filler. YAY HOUSE TONIGHT.


	3. Uber Bonkura Special!

Chapter 3: Uber Bonkura Special!

A/N: I haven't been updating much because of school and my computer. Hopefully I will get a new laptop around Christmas so it will be easier to write. BSOD, random shutting down, and locking up gets in the way of writing. Onwards! And if anyone finds the line from Futurama I out in this chapter, you get a cookie.

Hikari walked into her home, drenched in paint and tears. Ayumu, Tomo and Kagura were in the living room and took notice to the younger girl's noisy entrance.

"What's wrong, Hikari-Chan?" Kagura asked the crying girl. Tomo noticed Hikari, but just went back to reading her manga, and Ayumu was staring somewhere into space.

"I was pranked." Hikari said through tears. Ayumu snapped out of her own world. "Ahh! What happened? Did the Paint Bigfoot get to ya?"

"No, a future prostitue got to me!" Hikari now looked angry beyond belief. "Today when I was leaving school, some stuck-up girl poured paint on me to impress her friends. I am literally angry with rage!"

Tomo suddenly jumped into the conversation. "Let's get revenge!"

"An eye for an eye makes the world go blind." Kagura said, sounding astute.

"I agree with Tomo-san!" Hikari was now smiling. "But what should we do?"

"Oh, I know!" Ayumu began, "Let's kill her!"

A silence fell over the room.

…

The silence continued.

About five minutes later, Ayumu broke the silence. "Maybe we could feed her to a pack of angry land dolphins."

The silence resumed.

Tomo was the one to break the silence this time. "Maybe we could 'introduce' her to Kimura, if ya know what I mean." She began making obscene, suggestive gestures.

After a few minutes of Tomo's motions, Kagura got an idea. "Although I do not approve of revenge, I think I know what we could do."

The girls huddled. Kagura explained her plans. "Then we can feed her to the land dolphins?" Ayumu asked. "Umm… Sure Osaka."

The next day at school, Hikari was standing near her locker. The girl who humiliated her yesterday approached her, follwed by her 'posse.'

"Hello painty!" The girl said, which made her group laugh.

"That is seriously the best you can come up with? Here is something better." Hikari pulled out a notecard. She began reading the note made up almost entirely of obscenities.

After a minute of the awful language, Hikari's notecard came to a close. "[CENSORED you, Norika! Written by Tomo Takino. Wait, scratch that last part."

Norika looked stunned. "What are you going to do about that?" Hikari asked cockily. Norika snapped her fingers and her gang jumped in front of her, looking at Hikari menacingly.

Hikari opened her locker, and out jumped Tomo, Ayumu and Kagura. "Gwah! How did you all fit into there?" One of the group members asked.

"I used my powers…" Ayumu simply stated.

The group scattered and all the remained was Norika. "I'm not afraid of all of you!" She said, shaking.

Tomo grabbed Norika and began running around wildly. "Stick to the plan!" Kagura yelled.

"Fine!" Tomo yelled. She ran outside, Norika still being held above her head. She walked over to a very large tree that had a ladder next to it. The Wildcat put the ladder against the tree and began climbing.

Tomo placed Norika at the very top of the tree. She slid down the ladder. Once she reached the bottom, she threw the ladder down, leaving Norika stranded.

"Help me!" Norika yelled, tears streaming down her face.

Tomo was laughing her head off. Kagura, although a bit scared for the young girl, was happy her plan was carried through so well. Hikari felt like they were even. Ayumu, of course stared into space, giggling a bit.

The Principal of the school came outside. "What is the meaning of th- OH MY GOD!" He noticed Norika stuck in the tree.

The Principal notified the fire department and the police. Soon, the fire department came and rescued Norika. The Police apprehended the Bonkura's and Hikari and took them down to the police station.

At the station, Tomo was wrestling all the officers to get out. Eventually she was shot with a tranquilizing dart.

"I regret nothing!" Tomo yelled before she passed out.

Hikari happily sighed. "Despite being arrested for unclassifiable charges, today was a good day…"

A/N: Whoa, that was zany! PLEASE REVIEW. PLEEEEASE!"


	4. Boom

A/N: Stuff and junk.

Chapter 4: Electricity

888

Hikari needed help. SHe had a science project to do. She had to enough harness electricity to power an electric clock. Sadly, when the teacher was explaining how to harness electricity, she had fallen asleep.

Hikari has realized that her sister's ideas always got her into trouble, but she had faith in Ayumu. She knoced on her elder sister's door. Ayumu answered.

"Good afternoon, Hikari-Chan! How may I help you?" Ayumu asked, cheerfuly smiling. "THis may sound weird, but do you know how to harness electricity?"

Ayumu nodded. "YUp, I sure do." Hikari's eyes glowed with happiness. "Really?! You Do?! Then can you help me with a science project?"

Ayumu formed a small grin on her face. "Step into my office, young grasshopper..."

For hours, the two sister's had been experimenting. They created a contraption that had a lot of energy. It even compared to Tomo's energy.

The next day in class, Hikari was the last to be called up.

"I have made one of the greatest electric machine ever. Behold!" Hikari took a small box out from her pocket, causing some snickering. "YOu may laugh now, but behold the energy!"

Hikari grabbed two wires and hooked them up to her machine. She slowly moves them toward the clock. As soon as they make contact...

BOOM!

Hikari stares at the machine, shocked. Her face is charred, the students are shocked, and the walls are destroyed. The teacher stands there surprised.

"... A+."

Hikair beamed and went back to her seat. When she got home she thanked her sister.

888

A/N: Please review. And I know this chapter isn't the greatest, I did it in about 5 minutes. 


	5. Fire in the Sky

Chapter 5: Fire in the Sky

A/N: I'm not good at updating. I make you all wait a month for a bad chapter, but I update the next day with one I put a lot of effort into? Please forgive me... Oh, and the title is a reference to a movie based on one of the few alien abduction cases I actually DON'T believe. If anyone finds the Monty Python reference, I'll be so happy.

888

Hikari was still basking in the joy of her A+. But the silence and bliss was soon interuppted by the sound of crashing pots and pans, along with someone falling down the stairs. Hikari headed toward the stairs and saw Ayumu laying on the ground in an uncomftorable postion.

"Err... What are you doing?" Hikari asked, sweatdropping.

"I am preparing to go hunting for the Jersey Devil" Ayumu said, gathering her supplies.

"But doesn't he live in America?" The younger girl asked.

"Au contraire, I spotted it last night while searching for UFO's." Ayumu stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Hikari was amazed. "Oh my god, really? I thought that thing flying last night was just another soaring leprechaun. Can I hunt him with you?"

"Sure, but be warned. My last encounter the Jersey Devil was not good. He turned me into a newt, but I got better." Ayumu handed her sister a can of green beans. "If he charges at you, use this. The Jersey Devil hates them."

Later that night, the two Kasuga siblings had set up a tent in the middle of a large forest a few miles from their home. Not long after they finished setting up camp, they heard a rustling in the bushes.

"It's him. I'll hold him down and you knock him out with the can of green beans." Ayumu whispered to her sister.

Ayumu ran toward the bush, making a sound reminiscent to mic feedback. She jumped into the bushes and pinned the figure down.

"QUICK, USE THE GREEN BEANS!" Ayumu exclaimed, struggling with the 'Jersey Devil.'

Hikari shined a flashlight onto the creature. "Ayumu, that's not the Jersey Devil. It's a little kid."

The young boy was trembling in fear. Ayumu released him. "TH-thank you for letting go..."

"I'm sorry, I thought you were a hideous spawn from Satan." Ayumu explained to the boy. His lip began to tremble and he ran away crying.

"Was it something I said?" Ayumu asked as Hikari sweatdropped.

About an hour later, there was still no sign of the Jersey Devil. "Ayumu, I think the Jersey Devil is in America... We should probably go."

Ayumu looked like she was about to cry. "He's here, I swear to you!"

"Ayumu, I-" Hikari was stopped by a screeching roar. "Good gravy, it's him!" Ayumu said in a British accent.

Ayumu ran toward the sound. Hikari sighed and followed her. As soon as she caught up with her older sister, she witnessed one of the oddest sights ever.

Hikari watched as her sister wrestled with the REAL Jersey Devil. "Hikari-Chan, green beans!"

As Hikari regained her composure, she opened the can of green beans and threw the at the beast. The Jersey Devil let out an ear-piercing scream and fainted.

The two sisters, stunned, dragged the monster back home. They called a news reporter, who rushed on over with a camera crew.

After it was featured on the news, the Jersey Devil was taken away for observation. Hikari and Osaka became somewhat famous and got a large money award.

"I wonder if they will let us keep it after they are done testing." Ayumu pondered. "Maybe. That would be so cool..." Hikari began daydreaming of a life with a pet Jersey Devil.

888

A/N: That chapter turned out very well, methinks. Review, as usual. 


	6. Pigtail Invasion

Chapter 6: Pigtail Invasion

A/N: This chapter was written in 2 listenings of Iron Maiden's Masterpiece Seventh Son of a Seventh Son. I demand everyone to listen to that song. NOW!

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXTREME USES OF EXCLAMATION POINTS AND PIGTAIL HATING. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

888

Hikari was in her room, listening to music and counting her money from catching the Jersey Devil. She knew how much she had, it just satisfied her so much. Her bliss was short lived, ended by a terrified Ayumu almost breaking down her door.

"Ayumu, is something wrong?" Hikari asked her disgruntled sister.

"The pigtails, Hikari-Chan, the pigtails..." Ayumu said in a voice indicating pure terror. Her eyes were wider than usual is that was possible.

"Who's pigtails, Chiyo-San's?" Hikari asked, overwhelmed by her sister being more terrified than she had ever been.

"Yes, Chiyo-Chan's pigtails... Today I noticed that they had ties and pins inside of them. I think they may be planning to kill Chiyo!" Ayumu said.

"I thought the pigtails were still undeveloped, I didn't know they had reached the assailant level already." Hikari said, starting to become nervous.

"They have! If I don't do something, Chiyo-Chan might... No, I can't think like that! I will save her. I will need you help." Ayumu beckoned her sister.

"How will I help? It seems like this will be a quick job." Hikari asked, getting a confused look from her sister.

"Of course I will need your help! Pigtails are hostile creatures. Can you imagine what they would do to a single person trying to destroy them?"

Hikari quickly imagined what would happen. "I now understand what you are saying! They could kill you with sheer willpower!" Hikari began searching for weapons she could use against pigtails.

After finding a large sack filled with various things in a pigtails worst nightmare, Hikari was ready to save Chiyo's life.

Meanwhile at the Mihama residence...

Chiyo was finishing her math homework with ease. "Tadakichi-San, I'm almost done with my homework. After I'm done I will take you for walk." Tadikichi perked up upon hearing the last word. "Not yet, Tadikichi-San."

Tadikichi went back to sleep and dreamt of the longest walks ever.

Chiyo sighed as she finished the last problem on the page. "Alright, Tadikichi-San, we ca-"

Chiyo would not finish this sentence. She was interrupted by two figures dressed in ninjua suits crashing through her windows ona large rope.

"What the-" Chiyo was pinned down against the bed and had her mouth covered.

Tadikichi barked wildly at the two newcomers. "Quiet, you!" One of them said.

The other ninja pulled a large can of hairspray out of her pocket. She pointed it at Chiyo's left pigtail and sprayed.

The can ran out and Chiyo's first pigtail was rock-solid stiff. The other ninja pulled out a can of hairspray and did the same thing to the right one.

"You'll thank us later." Both of the ninjas said, bowing. They hopped out the window and ran back home.

Chiyo sat on her bed, stunned. The smell of hairspray clouded to room and made her cough. When she tried to get up, she discovered her hair had been stuck to the bed.

"This... is not good."

The next day at school...

Ayumu was sitting at her desk when Chiyo entered the room, fuming.

"Osaka-San... Were you and your sister those ninja's from last night?" Chiyo asked, trying to keep her composure.

"Yes... I believe a thank you is in order." Ayumu said in the most oblivious voice possible.

"My hair was stuck to my bed. I had to get up using a spatula to pry my pigtails off." Chiyo said, about to lose her cool.

"... I believe a thanks is in order." Ayumu said, surprisingly becoming more oblivious.

Chiyo was about to blow her topwhen Tomo walked over to her.

"Whoa, Chiyosuke! Look at your hair!" Tomo exclaimed.

Tomo grabbed both of the pigtails and tried to move them. "Whoa, it's like Excalibur, I wonder if the chosen one can get it out... Is the chosen one Yomi? But then again, it may be-"

Tomo had just done one of the stupidest things she had ever done. While trying to move the pigtails... She accidently broke them off.

Chiyo's eyes began to well up, while Ayumu's eyes grew large.

"No! Tomo, you idiot! Now they are renegade pigtails! Do you realize what you have done?!" Ayumu yelled in a manner remminiscent to the way she yelled at Tomo when she broke Chopsticks incorrectly.

"Um... Sorry?"

Ayumu snatched the broken pigtails from Tomo's hands and smashed them against a wall. They shattered like glass.

"It's finally over..." Ayumu sank into a chair, sweating heavilly.

Chiyo was now the angriest she had ever been in her life. She jumped up very high and roundhouse kicked Tomo and Ayumu in the face with one excellent motion.

And that was how Kasuga Ayumu and Takino Tomo died.

Naw, I lied. They were just knocled out.

888

A/N: How... chaotic. 


	7. Disco Zombies

Chapter Something- DISCO ZOMBIES

A/N: YEAH, DISCO ZOMBIES. I was too lazy to check what chapter I was on. I think it's 7, but I'm not sure.

888

TIME: 4:00 PM

LOCATION: KASUGA FAMILY HOUSEHOLD. THE BEST PLACE TO GO IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE KASUGA FAMILY.

Hikari walked to her sister's room. There was a strange whirring sound, accomponied by the occasional explosion. Hesitantly, Hikari opened the door.

There she found her sister wearing a lab coat and surronded by complex machinery.

"Yes, it is working!" Ayumu exclaimed. She walked over to what looked like the end of the machine. "And... now!"

Out of the machine popped two steaming squares. "Ah, good, mah Pop Tarts are ready! Now- Oh, hi Hikari-Chan! I didn't hear you come in. What's goin' on?"

"So this huge machine is nothing but a toaster?" Hikari asked.

"The eyes lie, Hikari-Chan. This is also an oven and a microwave. It also can perform minor surgery." Ayumu proudly said.

"My... god... That is the coolest thing ever. But how did you pay for it?" Hikari asked.

"That's government business." Ayumu said, staring into space. As soon as she regained her attention she picked up a bag. "But there are more important matters at hand!"

"Are we hunting X Japan again?" Hikari excitedly asked.

"Better."

"Better?"

"Better. We are hunting for... Disco Zombies."

Hikari was shocked. "But it's not time for a lunar eclipse, is it?"

"No, but I have recieved a tip that there will be a Zombie Jamboree tonight at midnight."

Hikari's mouth gaped for a moment. A Zombie Jamboree? This should be fun. "I'll get my stuff."

In due time, they had the proper equipment to interrupt a Zombie Jamboree. The two sisters made their way toward the closest graveyard.

An hour passed and nothing happened. "Onee-San, are you sure it's tonight?" Hikari asked.

"Be patient." Ayumu said. The elder girl began pacing.

Up in a tree above Ayumu, two squirrels were fighting. They pounced at each other and collided. They both fell out of the tree and straight onto Ayumu's head, knocking her out.

777

"Onee-San... Wake up." Hikari said, shaking her sister.

"Wha- what's goin' on?" Ayumu asked.

"They're here." Hikari said in a hollow voice.

Ayumu looked in front of her and saw many zombies dancing. In the front was a zombie in a sequint jumpsuit while singing "Thriller."

"Ahmagawd! I knew it!" Ayumu said.

"But there's something you didn't know." Hikari said. She walked toward the zombies and grabbed her face. She peeled off the flesh to reveal zombie skin.

"No way!" Ayumu exclaimed.

"And now I shall exploit your weakness." Hikari said.

"You wouldn't..."

A crescendo of percussion beats were heard in the distance. It was followed up by an up-tempo beat that could only be one thing.

"No... No!" Ayumu said.

Hikari and the other zombies began singing.

"Waka Laka's a thing to play forever Just to be together (Just to be together)"

At this point Ayumu was in a fetal postion.

"Waka Laka's a place to be forever Waka Laka love and fantasy"

"Stop it! It drills into mah brain!" Ayumu yelled.

"See Waka Laka when you need a flight of fantasy (fantasy)  
Ecstasy (ecstasy)  
Rhapsody (rhapsody)"

Ayumu was thrashing around. "I can't take it much longer!"

"See Waka Laka when you want a love so tenderness (tenderness)  
Waka Laka make you fly"

"I... can't resist it!" Ayumu yelled while pulling at her hair.

"See Waka Laka when you're going to feel so sad and blue,  
Just for you, never blue See Waka Laka and a funny bunny'll free your life Now it's Waka Laka time"

Ayumu's skin peeled off, revealing zombie skin. She got up and joined into the dancing.

After an extravegent dance, the zombies did their big finish.

"Waka Laka love and fantasy!"

777

"Ayumu-San, wake up!" Hikari yelled.

"Wha? Where's the Waka Laka?" Ayumu asked.

"You were knocked out. You were singing... the song in your sleep. I think we should get home." Hikari said.

Ayumu sighed. "I s'pose you're right. Let's go."

The sisters returned home. Hikari has her arm around Ayumu's shoulders.

"What happened?" Their Mother asked.

"Oh, nothing Okaa-San. She just got hit on the head by flying squirrels." Hikari said, taking her sister to her bedroom.

"Those girls get stranger everyday." Their Mother said, sighing.

888

Now, I need to use this AN for something serious. I just found out that tomorrow I had a snow day, so I have decided to start a new story tomorrow. I will also try to update Cold Fog and MAWII. But watch for it, it will be rated M. I already have the ending written though.


	8. Flying Whales

A/N: Hello, readers. I reference a lot of things in my stories, anyone who finds the joke from South Park gets a cookie. Anyone who finds the reference(s) to a Gojira song will actually get a cameo in a future chapter (although I doubt anyone else listens to them.)

888

It had all started as a school project. Familiarize yourself with English culture by reading a translation of an English book. Hikari had picked Treasure Island.

She loved it. She finished it in a day, and then read it again. Afterwards, she posted things all about pirates on the internet. She argued that pirates were indeed better than ninjas.

Then it hit her. She was going, no, DESTINED to be a pirate. But she would need help. She went to seek advice from the smartest person she knew.

"Ayumu!" Hikari called.

Ayumu came rushing from her room.

"Is the Loch Ness monster back? Is he asking for 'Tree-fiddy'? Damn monster in his girl-scout disguise..." Ayumu said.

"Thank goodness, no. I want to be a pirate!" Hikari said. Ayumu pulled an eye patch and crossbow-bandana from seemingly nowhere and equipped them.

"I'm in!"

After making a raft out of flimsy sticks (and adding a plank to their vessel as well) and making wooden swords, the Kasuga sisters were ready to set sail! They cast a picture of a sea slug for their flag and took their magnificent ship to a nearby river.

"Hoist in the anchors, Ayumu!" Hikari demanded.

Ayumu let go of the edge of land and the wind began to carry the ship into the waters.

"Hey, since we're pirates, shouldn't we have nicknames?" Ayumu asked.

"Oh, you're right! You'll be Jolly Roger. Since I'm the Captain, I'll be Captain Crunch!" Hikari said.

"Those are the best names ever." Ayumu replied.

"Now, avast ye, scallywags!" Hikari said, pumping her fist into the air.

"Waters of chaos has invaded my space, Hikari-Chan." Ayumu said.

"What are you talking about? And it's Captain Crunch to you!" Hikari said, disturbed by Ayumu's words.

"The flood's on Earth again." Ayumu drew her wooden sword. "I have to find the whales."

"What is this?" Hikari asked, jumping back. "Mutiny?"

Ayumu nodded. "I have to find the Flying Whales so I can go from Mars to Sirius."

"What are you talking about? Flying Whales are not real!" Hikari pleaded. "Don't do this!"

"I am sorry about this. You need to walk the plank." Ayumu ordered.

"We're being pirates, not whale hunters!" Hikari told her sister.

Ayumu jabbed Hikari in the back with the wooden sword. She continued jabbing her until the younger girl was on the plank.

"I'm sorry for whatever I did! Let me help you find the whales!" Hikari cried out.

"Save your excuses for the devil." Ayumu pushed Hikari into the river.

Hikari was met with a splash. "Curse you Jolly Roger!"

Ayumu cackled maniacally as the raft drifted forward through the river.

"What has gotten into her? Is she possessed?" Hikari asked herself. She swam toward the shore.

Meanwhile, Ayumu looked down the river determinedly. "Soon enough, I will get to the ocean."

Hikari was trying to catch up with the raft. Soon enough, she found it exiting the river and entering the ocean.

"Ayumu-San! I don't think Okaa-San will want you in the ocean!"

Ayumu, however ignored her pleading sister. "Flying whales! I am calling upon you!"

Hikari was genuinely afraid. No matter how eccentric her sister had ever acted, this was just out of the ordinary. No way could flying whales exist.

Suddenly, the ground started shaking and Hikari was knocked into the waters. She floated back to the surface and coughed up water. "Ayumu! It's dangerous!"

Something that defied all logic happened at that moment. Three creatures, almost the size of a football field, rose from the waters.

Flying whales.

"I can't believe my eyes!" Hikari shrieked, getting back to shore as fast as possible.

Ayumu fell to a knee. "Take me!"

She started floating into the air. Soon, she was on a whale back. The whale flew into the sky and out of sight.

"Impossible" Hikari said. She looked to the other two whales.

"I need your help."

TO BE CONTINUED.

888

Yep, the first actual story arc. It is probably insanely random to people who don't get the referenced. Also, to anyone thinking this is a dream sequence like Disco Zombies, it is not. 


	9. Flying Whales Part II

Chapter 9- Flying Whales Part 2

A/N: Once upon a time I updated my story. Then pigs flew. The end.

Honestly, this chapter is short. But please understand that writing is difficult for me. I get awful writers block and I have trouble paying attention, so sorry for the long wait.

888

Hikari sighed. Flying on top of a whale was both uncomfortable and boring. She and the whale have been in the sky for about an hour, trying to find Ayumu.

"Mr. Whale? When will we find Ayumu?" Hikari asked.

The whale (who communicated telepathically) sighed, "_Soon, just stay calm._"

Some time later, they arrived at a city in the clouds. Hikari hopped off the whale. She sensed a dark aura coming from a large castle nearby. She cautiously approached the building.

Inside, Hikari saw Ayumu with a large whale that was hovering above the ground. "Ayumu! What are you doing?!"

Ayumu simply ignored her, "I want to be the most powerful being in the universe."

The whale was taken aback. "_Why do you want this?"_

"So I can take over the world!" Ayumu cackled.

"... Are you high?!" Hikari shouted.

Ayumu turned to Hikari, "Quiet you! This is grown-up time!"

"Ayumu, you're acting insane!"

Ayumu gained an angry look in her eyes, "When I get my power, you'll be the first to go."

Hikari felt a tear rush down her face, how could her own sister threaten to end her life? She looked to the whale, "Why do you have to do this?"

The whale sighed, "_She knows the meaning of life..._"

"Then what is it?" Hikari asked, not believing the whale.

"42" Ayumu said before the whale could explain.

Hikari was becoming very distressed. "I think she's in a trance... This can't be the real Ayumu."

Hikari got an idea, "If she is in a trance, then I can get it out of her!" Hikari felt in her pockets and found what she was looking for; a piece of Sata Andagi.

"Hey Ayumu, I've got some Sata Andagi for you!" Hikari yelled. Ayumu snapped her head around and ran to Hikari. But when she reached Hikari, she looked around with a confused look, "Where am I?"

Hikari became very confused, "We're in a whale city, you were trying to take over the world. Don't you remember."

Ayumu shook her head, "The last thing I remember was falling asleep while sailing."

Hikari slowly came to a realization; Ayumu had been sleepwalking the whole time.

"_Excuse me... What is going on?"_ The whale asked.

Ayumu looked at the whale, "AH MAH GAWD!"

Hikari sighed, "Sorry Mr. Whale, but this has all been a misunderstanding."

"_But this girl still gets her wishes, she knew the meaning of life._"

"I get wishes?" Ayumu asked, bewildered. She thought for a moment and decided what she will wish for, "This may sound odd... But who will I marry one day?"

"_A beautiful woman. She will have flowing black hair and a large bust._"

Ayumu pondered this for a moment, "Black hair... Large bust... Does that mean-"

"_Yes... It will be her..._"

Ayumu jumped up and down excitedly, "Yay! I'm going to get married to Angelina Jolie!"

The whale sighed, "_No, I meant... Ah, forget it. I assume you girls will want to go home?_"

Hikari nodded, "Yes please, Mr. Whale. Sorry for disturbing you and your people."

"_Please don't call me Mr. Whale. Call me Jeff._"

"Jeff, eh? Okay 'Jeff', we're ready to go home." Hikari said while Ayumu thought about Angelina Jolie.

"_Until we meet again._"

Hikari and Ayumu soon found themselves back by the river. Hikari sighed, "I think I"m ready for a nap."

They began walking back home. About halfway there, Ayumu's phone rang, she checked the call ID, "Hello, Mother."

"Ayumu, are you two on your way home?" Her mother asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Ayumu... Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Fungus are coming for a surprise visit, they just phoned us."

Ayumu dropped her phone and screamed. "Ayumu, what's wrong?!" Hikari frantically asked.

"Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Fungus are coming over."

Hikari let out a scream and hugged Ayumu.

They could tell already this would not turn out well.

888

A/N: Aunt Gertrude and Uncle fungus are JBK's, not mine. Next chapter will hopefully come out soon. Don Piano, your cameo is coming up, MoFang, yours will be after his!


	10. The Relatives

Chapter... Something- The Relatives

A/N: HI. This chapter features a cameo from fellow author Don Piano!

Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Fungus aren't min, they're JBK's.

888

_LAST TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z_

"_Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Fungus are coming over."_

_Hikari let out a scream and hugged Ayumu._

_They could tell already this would not turn out well._

"Ayumu, we can't go home! We'll die!" Hikari pleaded.

"There comes a time in every woman's life when they have to face their strange relatives, Hikarin. Now is that time." Ayumu said, sounding epic with each syllable.

"Hikarin?" Hikari asked.

Without responding to Hikari, Ayumu took off running. Hikari reluctantly took off after her.

Once they reached town, they were stopped by an ongoing parade. Thousand of foreigners were riding down the streets, wielding Maple-Leafed flags and riding mooses. Some were guzzling maple syrup.

A man walked out of the parade and greeted the girls, "Hello Toast! Happy Canada Day!"

"... Hello toast?" Hikari asked.

"Sorry, that's just how I greet people." The man smiled, "I'm Don."

"Hi Don, I'm Hikari, and this is my sister, Ayumu. So this is a... Canada Day parade?" Hikari inquired.

"Indeed it is. Festive occasion for Canadians everywhere!" Don exclaimed, waving a small Canadian flag.

"But why is a parade for Canada taking place in Japan?" Ayumu asked, "Do our governments have something planned?"

"No, we're just spreading the joys of our country! Well, it was nice meeting you two." Don said, rejoining the parade.

"This parade makes me feel so culturally uneducated. Let's take the other way home.

_LATER_

"Alright Hikari, get ready. Brace yourself for every hug and kiss they will deal out. If I never see you again, I want you to know I love you. I love you even more than Angelina Jolie." Ayumu said, dreamily thinking of the woman she thought Jeff said she was going to marry.

"I love you too Ayumu." Hikari said. She grasped the doorknob and opened the door. They walked into their house.

"It's quiet... Too quiet." Ayumu said, looking around. They heard a rumbling coming from a few rooms away. The stench of strange relatives filled the air, and a shivers were sent down the spines of the Kasuga sisters.

"God have mercy on our souls..." Ayumu whispered.

Hikari took Ayumu's hand in her own, the sounds were getting closer, "Onee-Chan, I'm scared."

The first one who emerged from the other room was their Aunt Gertrude, "Ah Mah God! Mah cute nieces!" Aunt Gertrude went for Ayumu first. Wrapping the poor girl in a bear hug, she began kissing every inch of her face, leaving very noticeable lipstick markings.

"Maybe I can still escape..." Hikari said to herself. But almost as soon as the thought crossed her mine, Uncle Fungus had approached her.

"Hikari-chan, mah little dumpling, c'mere you!" Uncle Fungus said, taking the smaller sister into his arms. He lifted her off her feet and squeezed her tightly.

"Onee-Chan... Help... Me..." Hikari said in between gasps and coughs.

In time, the two relatives released the sisters.

"I think my pancreas burst." Hikari said, looking like she was going to throw up.

"My small intestine... It's broken..." Ayumu said.

Soon, Fungus and Gertrude had switched places. Hikari looked, with an aura of utter horror and shock, to her Aunt Gertrude. Ayumu whimpered at the sight of Uncle Fungus.

Aunt Gertrude grabbed Hikari, and pulled her into a strong, strangely squishy, hug. "Be gentle!" Hikari said, but her aunt obviously didn't hear her.

Ayumu accepted fat and spread her arms, preparing for the hug that would follow. "Oh Ayumu, you are becoming such a big girl!" Uncle Fungus said, squeezing her tightly.

Once both of the terrifying displays of affection ended, the sisters looked at each other. They both had liptick masks, which had been applied by Gertrude.

"Well, it was nice seeing you girls, but we've gotta go..." Uncle Fungus began. The hopes in the girls ran high. "... to bed! We'll see you in the morning!" And with that, the two plump people left the room and walked to the guest room. The girls' hopes were dashed, knowing they'd have to see their aunt and uncle again in the morning.

777

Hikari lay quietly in her bed. She was in a deep sleep.

"Hikari! Time to wake up, yer' Aunt Gertrude need to say g'morning to ya!"

Hikari, upon recognizing the voice, screamed at the top of her lungs. Ayumu had been awoken in a similar fashion, and had the same reaction.

In the kitchen, the Kasuga parents were sipping at their morning coffee. "I enjoy their visits." Izanagi, the father of the Kasuga family said, turning the page of the newspaper.

"They certainly make the girls want to leave the house more often. I wonder why..." Aika, the mother of the Kasuga family said.

At this point, the door keeping Gertrude from Hikari was opened. Hikari was trapped in a hug-and-kiss barrage that seemed to be the end-all for hug-and-kiss barrages.

Ayumu, however, was barricading her door with every object in her room. "Sorry Uncle Fungu, I've, um... died! Yeah..."

Much to her dismay, Uncle Fungus' brute strength soon opened the door. "C'mere, you little cutie!"

Ayumu looked around, trying to find an exit. The only way out, however, was the window. "Um, sorry Uncle Fungus, but... I'm Superman. I've gotta go fulfill my duty. I'll see you later!" Ayumu sprinted toward the open window and jumped out. She landed with a thud.

"Ayumu Kasuga... Away..."

888

A/N: Wow, this sure was... disjointed. But I think it turned out well. Longest chapter I've done for this story, almost broke the barrier of drabble.

MoFang, your cameo's up next!


	11. Very Special Episode

Very Special Episode

A/N: I'm back, with a very special episode. MoFang, sorry if your cameo isn't in her, I couldn't find a way to incorporate it. But hopefully it'll come soon if I can update more.

888

Hikari walked into her house with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She had just had an experience she had never quite... experienced before.

Without even giving an ounce of thought, she walked to her sister's room, "Ayumu, can I have a talk with you?"

Ayumu, who had been killing dust bunnies in the corner, looked up, "Of course. What do you need to talk about, Hikari-Chan?"

"Well..." Hikari hesitated, biting her lip, "... I think I may be in love."

Ayumu stared at her for a moment, before exclaiming to Hikari and the rest of Japan, "AH MAH GAWD!"

"His name is Kei Asakawa..."

Ayumu brightened up, "That's a name suitable for the Gods! How do you plan on confessing your deep, philosophical feelings to the lucky boy?"

"That's why I came to you... I need help on how to do that." Hikari confessed, blushing.

"Ah!" A light bulb seemed to immediately go on in Ayumu's mind, "I've got the perfect plan!"

And with that, they plotted...

The next day, Hikari walked into school with a determined look in her eyes. She soon saw Kei, and she nervously approached him.

"Umm... Asakawa-San?" Hikari said, getting his attention.

"Hmm?" Kei said, turning around, "Oh, good morning, Kasuga-San. You can call me Kei if you want..."

Hikari stood silent for a while, until she remembered what she was there to do, "I have a gift for you." She said, pulling something furry out of her backpack, "It's one of the Jersey Devil's limbs. Oh, and would you like to... go out sometime?"

Kei stared at the limb and Hikari, "Umm... What?"

"Oh, this is a stupid way..." Hikari said. She threw the limb in a random direction.

Elsewhere...

Tomo was struggling with the limb, which had attached itself to her neck. "Oh my god, I'm being choked by a god damn... Something! Save me!"

Yukari then threw chalk at the struggling girl's forehead, "Quiet! I'm trying to teach up here!"

Back with Hikari...

"Asakawa-San... Um, I mean Kei... Would you like to, I dunno, go to a festival with me? As a... date?" Hikari asked, heart rapidly beating.

Kei smiled, "I'd love to." He scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to her. "There's my phone number..."

They both stood in an awkward silence for a while. "So... I'll see you in Math." Hikari said.

"Right..." Kei agreed. He turned around and walked away, but not without looking back to Hikari many times. Hikari did the same to him... except she then crashed into a pole.

Moral of this very special episode: Keep your eyes on the road

888

A/N: Um... Yay. Hikari... has a boyfriend. Twilight Zone music plays


	12. Very Special Episode Part II

Very Special Episode: Part 2

A/N: AND ONLY TWO YEARS LATE... GOD DAMMIT, FADE.

Though I doubt that he will see this, MoFang's promised cameo is contained within! By the way, this becomes a VERY "Very Special Episode." R&R

Hikari dialed the phone number Kei had given her. A woman on the other end picked up, "Hello, Asakawa residence."

"Hello, is Kei home?" Hikari asked nervously.

The woman's tone suddenly became serious, "I'm sorry, but Kei is in a coma."

Hikari was confused, "What? A coma? How?

"He was saving a baby kitten from a tree, and a lumberjack chopped it down. I think you can work out the rest..."

"Ahh..." Hikari sighed, "When he wakes up, tell him Hikari called."

"Alright. Goodbye." The woman hung up.

Hikari sighed, "Well that's a bummer."

Hikari went to her sister's room and opened the door. "Ayumu, what do you do when you are very sad?"

"Well, Hikari-chan, there comes a time in every woman's life..."

"And that's what I learned from Nyamo-Sensei."

Hikari, mouth agape, stared at her sister, "Ayumu, that's not what I asked."

"Huh? Oh, I thought you became a woman."

Hikari sighed and went to her room. She buried her head in her pillow.

She went to school the next day, still despairing. Midway through math class, she was called down to the school counselour.

"Kasuga-San, please have a seat."

She did as she was instructed. "My name is Mr. MoFang."

"... That's an odd name... I'm Hikari."

"I hear you were rather close to Asakawa-San, the boy who fell into a coma." Mr. MoFang said, adjusting his glasses.

"I was..." Hikari said.

"Well if you need to talk, I am here." Mr. MoFang said with a smile.

"How can I be happy after that happened?" Hikari asked.

"It's hard," Mr. Mofang sighed, "But you have to surrond yourself with loved ones and do what you like to do."

"So... Hunt aliens and monsters with my sister?" Hikari asked excitedly.

"... Sure." Mr. MoFang said, quite confused.

"Thank you Mr. Counselour Man! I have to go!" Hikari said. She left school (Yes, she just walked right out,) and walked to the high school. She got Ayumu called out of class.

"Hikari? What's wrong? ARE MOM AND DAD DEAD?"

"No, we have aliens to hunt!" Hikari exclaimed.

"As good a reason as any!" Ayumu said. The two left school and set up their alien-hunting satellite.

All was well.

A/N: YES I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR TWO YEARS... No, I've been working on it for 20 minutes. Sorry for being a lazyass. 


End file.
